Self Portrait Tuesday-Damaged Goods

February's theme for Self Portrait Tuesday has been a difficult one for me. The theme is about looking deeper into yourself and embracing the not so pretty side or our not so perfect parts. I don't want to share my imperfections with close friends much less strangers on the internet. So, for most of the month I haven't posted anything on this theme.

Then last night I came up with the picture I wanted to use. It's a picture of an x-ray of my lungs after my injury. I think all of my friends and family members know my story and how my lungs became 'damaged goods.' But for those of you who might be browsing through, here is a one sentence synopsis: My lungs were burned when part of a ceiling/roof collapsed on me while I was fighting a fire. The damage is permanent and I can no longer fight fire.

So for me, these lungs symbolize everthing that is not pretty or perfect about me. Before these lungs were damaged I felt like I was capable of conquering the world, that I was beautiful and strong, and that my life was, well, pretty close to perfect. But when my world came crashing down on me on that fateful day, I felt like I lost it all. I couldn't exercise for a long time and I had to take high dose steroids to keep my lungs functioning. So I gained a lot of weight and I felt like I became ugly. I couldn't be a firefighter anymore because my lungs no longer functioned at a normal capacity. Any more exposures could cause my death. I no longer was strong or capable of 'saving the world.' These lungs became the bane of my existance.

For a long time I wallowed in my pain and in my circumstances and then I decided to do something about it. Since then, those lungs have been the reason I started an organization to help firefighters, they are the reason why I have become a fire chaplain, they are the reason I can comfort others who have been injured, they are one of the many reasons I am adopting a daughter from China. I worked hard to get off my medicines and to build my capacity. And today I am a lot better. I still haven't lost all of the weight I gained but I can walk and ride bikes and live my life. I lived, I did not die...these lungs, although damaged goods, survived a terrible injury and are allowing me to live the good life.

California Dreamin'

The smell of my new pink Jasmine gently drifts through my office window. When I walk out my front door I can smell it and it takes me back to my parent's back porch on their home in California. The days have been beautiful with perfect temperatures. All these things take me back. Even though Texas is my home and I am proud to be a transplanted Texan, my heart will always belong to California and the beauty that it bestows. I really, really miss it sometimes.

I am getting ready to head out on Wednesday for Sabine Pass and the Extreme Home Makeover build that is going on. I haven't heard too much word back from those who are already down there but it does sound like they are having a blast! I can't wait to go. I have a ton of things to do before I leave but I do know that I am going to try and rest as much as possible because I don't want to get so tired that I get sick.

No word on the adoption yet. We are just living our lives while we wait and enjoying every minute of life. I want to be able to take advantage of as many opportunities as I can. Because once the baby comes, I won't be able to do these things anymore or at least to a way lesser degree.

Guess What It Is Friday!

Can you believe it's Friday again!? Where is the time going??? This is a good thing though because we are one week closer to get our baby! Since it's Friday, that means it is Guess What it is Friday for my friends in my December DTC group. All you have to do is post to the Yahoo Message Board what you think this item might be. The first person to get it correct will win two sets of sticker sheets. One is about adoption and the other is about motherhood. To see a blurry picture of what it looks like just scroll down to February 17. Happy guessing!!

Excitement Abounds........

Well to start off with the most boring update...I finished sewing my new summer purse. It was a Sewing for Dummies pattern so I thought it would be pretty easy, it wasn't. It did turn out pretty darn cute though!



Now some semi-exciting news- John and I tested out for our 'black helmet' last night at the fire department. That means we will no longer be probies! No more wearing orange stickers on our helmets and standing out in the crowd of firefighters. It's only taken me a year. John a few months. I have to admit that I was being a little lazy but John little the fire under my backside to get the test done. We basically had to memorize where everything was at on the fire truck. Where's the pick-head axe? Where's the hot stick? Stuff like that. I am really glad to finally rid the orange stickers.




Now for some super exciting news! Nooooooooo it's not about the adoption. Sorry! We still have a few more months before we know anything about that. Next week I am going to go help out on the set of Extreme Home Makeover! I will be part of a firefighter crew that will be feeding the workers and contracters and the famous people like Ty! They are rebuilding a fire station/police station/library in Sabine Pass, TX. My chaplain buddy Ken is helping to head up some of the firefighters that will be working and told me about the gig. So next week we will be spending three days hanging out and feeding the people. Wooo Hoo!

Starbucks Blah.......

It's like 30something degrees here in Houston. I, who have now become a cold wimp since moving to Texas, do not handle this weather very well. I like the cold and I like cold weather clothes (just ask my Mom) but I can only handle it in small doses. So what's better on a cold day than hot chocolate? I really don't go to Starbucks all that often but they have the best hot chocolate. Perfect for cold weather. Well, I ordered their Grande sized new premium carmel hot chocolate. BIG mistake! I feel so nauseated now. It was too much of a good thing. And then I had to make it worse by visiting the website and looking up the nutritional value of the hot chocolate. It has 25 freaking grams of fat in it!!!!!!!! Who knew I could order it with non-fat milk??? I am not a Starbucks regular! No wonder I am totally feeling the blahs right now.

The Lantern Festival was cancelled for tonight. I was dissapointed but I was glad that they didn't do it because of the cold weather. I wouldn't have been able to handle hanging out at the lake in the cold. It's rescheduled for next week though and I am praying for good weather.

My friend Heidi and I did get some scrapping in at the scrapbook store in Kemah. Beth who owns the Scrapbook Junkie has added on to her store buy renting out space on the second story of the building she is in. It's such an awesome room to hang out and work on scrapbooks. It's painted in beautiful colors and it's so warm and cozy. If you ever head out to Kemah, TX, you need to check out her store: http://www.ascrapbookjunkie.com/

Guess What It Is Friday

I am starting a new game for my DTC Dec. group (these are all of the people who got their adoption paperwork to China in December.) Every Friday I will be posting a picture of an object. The first person to guess what it is will get a set of adoption stickers and motherhood stickers donated by Karen Burniston of Creative Imaginations. Here is what the adoption stickers look like:


Here is the object:


email me at wendy@firefighterministries to guess what it is!

A Little Piece of Advice

I took the dogs for a long walk today. We went out to the fields behind my sub-division. My advice? Never walk through a field with flip flops! I had all kinds of dried weeds and shrubbery poking into my feet. Even though the dogs had a great time running around, I cut it short because I was getting poked so much.





I am supposed to go to a Chinese Lantern event with the Families with Children from China group on Saturday but I am afraid it's going to be rainy and a little too cold. We were hoping to get some landscaping done too but I think this weekend will be a bust. It might be a stay in bed and read all day kind of thing. We shall see though.

Ring Bling

John really surprised me today by buying me a 10th anniversary eternity ring. We aren't into Valentines Day all that much because our anniversary is on the 11th. That day is more important to me than any other day.

I have been wanting an eternity band so that I can wear that to the fire department instead of either wearing nothing or wearing my regular ring. My regular wedding ring gets caught on equipment or tears up medical gloves. I don't want to damage the ring so most of the time I don't wear anything at all when I am responding. My finger always feels naked though.

Sooooooooo, today my friend Rebecca and I helped a local florist deliver flowers. While we were gone, John went to the jewelry store and picked out my new ring. After we were done with the deliveries, we decided to go pick John up and go eat sushi for lunch. When we swung by the house, John told us both to come inside. And there sitting on a new recumbant bike that I have been begging for sat this teddy bear and card. I picked up the bear and noticed it had a backpack on it. I was thinking it was so cute! But then I noticed the backpack said Helzberg Diamonds and I flipped out! I opened the box and it had my pretty new ring. I just love it! Here is a picture:



After sushi, Rebecca dropped us off and John and I went running around. Ever since then we have just been couch potatoes!





Happy Valentines Day!

A Girl's Day Out

John is working today, so after church I went with my girlfriend's Elisa and Lisa to the Houston Home & Garden Show. I felt out of place because my name did not contain lisa in it, so for the day I renamed myself Welisa (pronounced way-lisa). I had to fit in, come on now!

The show was okay. I was hoping for more gardening stuff but it was mostly counter tops, as seen on tv junk, mattresses, and gutters. I was a little dissapointed. However, we went to the cooking demonstration with a chef from PeiWei (awesome Chinese food). He made it up to us but preparing a yummy salad and some knock out Thai curry chicken. It was so good!

After that I dropped by Heidi's house to hang out for a while. It's becoming my Sunday ritual. We chit chatted, talked about getting off of the couches, didn't do it, talked some more, and then got up to eat some brisket and chips! MMM Heidi's Mom and husband are excellent cooks.

I just love, love, love my girlfriends! They make my life so rich!

Families with Children From China-Houston Chinese New Year Party

The Families with Children from China-Houston annual Chinese New Year party was yesterday evening. We went to this big Chinese ball room for dinner and entertainment. There was probably about 250 people that attended. We had such a good time watching the kiddos, meeting new people, and meeting up with new friends.

The little girl that I met at the last dinner that just loved my hair was at this dinner as well. Of course she just had to play with my hair again:




This is John and I at our table. We had some pretty interesting Chinese food for dinner. The egg rolls were good. :o) The chicken head...didn't want to even try it.


Part of the entertainment was the dragon dances. I loved this part. The dragons danced up and down the aisles.

Fly Lady Bug Fly!

Yesterday the mega cold front came through...well at least it's mega for Houston. I love it when one of these big bands of rain comes through because one minute it's just a little dark and the next it's really, really dark. Then the wind picks up and the rain hits. I had just bought this garden flag with a lady bug on it and the wind was really whipping it! I thought it was going to fly away!

I have a bunch going on this weekend. Last night was our small group and I just love that group. We are doing a great study called God is Closer than you Think. It's just so much fun to share our lives with other people.

Today is our 10 year wedding anniversary! Where has the time gone?? I can't believe we have already hit that mark. I am starting to feel old now. We really aren't doing anything because we already had a big trip in October to Canada. But today we have a big Chinese New Year party with our adoption group. I can't wait because there are all kinds of super cool activities planned. I will post pictures ASAP.

And here is my latest layout. Sorry for the big flash in the picture.

New Layout

Here is one of my latest layouts for my 2005 Year In Review album. This is for the month of April when my Mom came out for our house blessing. These colors are so new for me. Usually I just use red, black, and earth tones. So this layout was super fun for me and I love how it turned out!



Today I am a little sad because it's my sister's last day at work. I won't be able to email her everyday now. Her and her husband have exciting things coming up in their lives and they are preparing for life in the military. I am trying to convince her to come visit me. :o)

The Art of Dog Walking

I have fallen off the wagon on my daily walks. So this morning I decided to take the dogs with me on my walk for some entertainment. I have learned some valuable lessons from this experience. Here they are in random order:

1. Walking more than one dog is darn near impossible. Any movie that I have seen that involves a dog walker walking more than two dogs, those extra dogs are just super-imposed onto the film. They just have to be!

2. Walking a dog burns more calories than if you were walking without a dog. Each additional dog you walk burns about 500 more calories. Between them pulling on you, getting tangled up with one another, and trying to drag them away from their sniffing spots, it's an incredible workout.

3. Dogs actually know what you are saying they just choose to ignore you when they are on a leash.

4. There is something magical about a clump of clover that just makes them stay there and sniff.

5. They tend to get territorial about territory that isn't theirs, especially when a strange dog is around.

6. The mysterious imaginary spot on the grass that you have to drag your dog away from is a force to be reckoned with.

7. I have found it easier to risk my life by walking in the middle of the street to keep them from sniffing and marking every two feet.

8. Dogs just love to walk....

Word Clouds

I went to this website that I totally can't even remember the name of it now. Anyway, they look at your blog and they pull a bunch of words out to create this word cloud. Then they make a t-shirt for you out of your word cloud. Here is my word cloud. It's so cool!

Adoption Happenings

Saturday was a busy day for us! We had a Waiting Families Seminar with the Families with Children from China organization. Before we left, our fire department was toned out for a major structure fire. I was so bummed about missing it and really thought hard about missing the meeting. We both figured that our daughter was more important though and that we need to learn as much as we can before heading off to China.

The meeting was held at the library. Families who have already been through the process bring their little ones and share their stories. Waiting families can ask questions and get advice. It was wonderful seeing the little, bitty babies/toddlers. Even though they were all about 15 months old, they were so little. I loved hearing the stories and I took lots of notes!



After the meeting we headed over to one of our social worker's house for a Chinese New Year Party on behalf of our agency. There were so many families. Most had their kiddos already and there were some who were waiting just like us! It was so great to just hang out and watch the kids and talk to the other people. John and I really connected with a family who got their sweet little girl about a year ago. I hope we get to see them again!






John had a ton of fun at the arts and craft table. Who knew he could be so artistic! :oD



Next Saturday there is another Chinese New Year event and we are so excited. It's going to be a super big party. Plus that is our 10th wedding anniversary. WOOHOO!

Today was a lazy day. I am not feeling too well. I went over to Heidi's house to do some scrapbooking. I actually got some layouts done! I am so proud of myself. I just love scrapping with Heidi because she is so much fun. She also buys all the latest and greatest and then shares with me. She is such a giver and has such a big heart. I just love Heidi to pieces.

I didn't stay too long though since I wasn't feeling to well. I came back home and crashed on the couch to read and keep an eye on the Super Bowl commercials.

Courage Under Fire

I was waiting for my editor to clean up my column before I shared this but tonight after reading my Bible passage I decided to share my Firefighter Ministries column, unedited, with you. Every month on our organization's website I post a column. This month I wrote about courage. I have been dealing with a lot of fear, the unknown, and with courage. Last night and today I have been batteling my fear and then I read Psalm 27. I feel a lot better and will really cling to those verses over the coming weeks.

Anyway, here is my column (remember it's unedited):

Courage Under Fire

It's pretty common for firefighters to hear that they have courage because they are willing to enter into dangerous situations, risking their lives for others. For those who work within the emergency medical services, they are seen as brave individuals because they deal with the wreckage and carnage of humans who have been badly injured. Having courage in this line of work is second nature for most of us. But what about courage in your personal life? Do you face life's adversities with courage or do you bend under pressure?

I have been going through a difficult situation these last few weeks and many of my family and friends are giving me Bible verses to read, offering me words of encouragement, telling me to pray, and telling me not to worry because God is in control. When I ready through the verses or think about their encouragement, I still feel fear about my situation and I want to run and hide. I think about ways I can get out of doing the things I need to do in order to resolve my problem. I do some bargaining with God. I huddle in a ball and cry. I try and dissasociate myself from the situation. And at the end of the day when I sit in the silence, I feel like I am a wimp. I don't feel brave. I wonder why it's so easy for me to run into a burning building but it's so hard for me to face this problem.. And then I think, what does it really mean to have courage?

There are many verses in the Bible that say to be strong and courageous. That's seems easier said than done when we are looking into the eyes of our personal 'Goliath.' How are we to have courage to go on with life when a spouse has died? How are we supposed to have the courage to face and deal with the problems in our relationships that we tend to brush under the rug? What about that serious medical diagnosis? How do you find the courage to go through the treatments that might be painful? Or what about the dirty jokes or the questionable activities of co-workers? Do you stand up against them or shy away? All of these situations require courage in order to resolve the conflict that is taking place.

Eleanor Roosevelt summed up what it means to have courage with this quote: You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

We must do the thing we think we cannot do. We must seek God, surround ourselves with family and friends, put into place a network of support and then take the step...sometimes leap of faith. We must walk into the darkness of the unknown and pray that with that first step a little light will begin to shine and light
our way. Sometimes we just have to be afraid and do it anyway. Sometimes the situation is not as bad as we imagined it to be and other times it's worse but we hope and pray that the end result will be a better life. This
life isn't meant to be easy or pain free but at least we know that when we walk with God and lean on our loved ones, the journey won't be as lonely. I'm telling myself that...and on most days I believe it. On those other days, it just takes me longer to get there.